JourneywomanShrek the Third - Why you should not see this movie!
May 31st 2007 05:59
Shrek the Third sucks?!
Inside the screen lit up and I held my breath.
Not ten minutes later I was writhing in my chair in discomfort and pain - and it wasn't a case of brain freeze!
It has to be admitted cleanly and straight out, and even then it prompts so much sadness to do so but... Shrek the Third really sucks!
The first Shrek film was undeniably a revolution in the animated movie world in terms of story and characterisation. The second film followed in its wake, taking a list of time tested classical characters and manipulating them irreverantly to deliver an eye-poppingly funny fairy tale.
It's hard to believe that some of the most endearing and charismatic characters on the big screen could fail so horribly to impress but it's the God's honest truth that they do! Even Donkey falls flatter than a doormat!!!
Tell me it's not true!!!!!!!
The basic story is that King Harold is dieing and Shrek is heir to the throne. However that doesn't exactly suit the swamp dwelling ogres tastes so he goes off a-questing for Harold's nephew Arthur, who turns out to be a geeky High School student who everybody hates. Meanwhile Prince Charming... and oh dear God it get's worse!
The movie attempts to rip-off King Arthur and fails horribly to do so. You'd think with the presence of Eric Idle as the voice of a washed-up Merlin and Justin Timberlake as an ineffectual young Prince-who-would-be-King there was plenty they could have done with the story.
Think again...
The script is abhorrantly corny and the story disappoints at every turn. Visions of an ass-kicking trio of princesses a la Charlie's Angels dance through your head throughout the first half of the film and then just disappear amidst waves of nausea as it suddenly strikes you that nothing is going to save this film.
That said, there are moments of brilliant comedy. The best would have to belong to Princess Fiona and her crew of damsels in distress. Charming has taken over Far Far Away and locked them all in a tower - again - and naturally they buzz about wondering what to do. Finally Snow White stands tall and with something along the lines of: "there's only one thing left to do!" that just sets your hopes soaring, she announces: "Ladies! Assume the position!" at which point all princesses flop onto individual beds and fall asleep - waiting to be rescued.
It's a brilliant visual gag, a rip of the fairy tail convention of Princesses waiting for their knight's in shining armour and so reminiscant of the past Shrek magic. It's not the only one either - but sadly it's not the standard of the whole film.
They tried for laughs and they got nuthin'. Let's hope Shrek's 4 and 5 (set to be the final two installments) are better efforts altogether. Given the fact that Shrek the Third set box-office records for an animated feature and yet left its audience as a whole feeling horribly disappointed, one has to wonder whether Shrek 4 will garner much of an audience at all. Movie audiences are not known for their forgiving nature, especially when a classic betrays them.
Shrek the Third hits Australian cinemas next thursday and is no doubt to attract a large audience fresh to be disappointed. I know many people will refuse to believe the sheer awfulness of this movie as I once did and I counsel them to go and see the movie.
Shrek the Third has to be seen to be believed.
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