Paris Hilton Pity Party
June 10th 2007 07:22
A few days have since passed in order to let the dust settle and now the view is no less clear. The following will try and disassemble the confusing jungle of facts surrounding the Paris Hilton controversy in an attempt to work out just why exactly the media thinks that anyone is going to give a shit just what happens to the worlds most spoiled Heiress.
Paris hit prison on Monday after the MTV movie awards with her dignity actually somewhat intact after a very well orchestrated piece of publicity diverted all atention from said cheesy movie awards ceremony smack onto the blonde soon-to-be-inmate.
Tuesday, reports began to filter out that Paris was calling the outside crying her eyes out because her cell was cold, she had no pillow and only three blankets, one of which she was using as a pillow.
Wednesday, Paris was visited by her lawyer and her shrink. They stayed in her cell with her for two hours - wonder how her cell-mate felt about that? - before departing leaving an ominous taste in everybody's mouth.
Thursday morning just before dawn prison authorities got around the L.A. media by dispatching Paris to an undisclosed location - by the sound of things a psych ward! She turned up at her L.A. mansion later that morning at which point she released a "moving' statement thanking the prison authorities for treating her justly. The L.A. County Sheriff, Lee Baca then held a press-conference where he announced that Paris had been released for "medical reasons" and would serve out the rest of her sentence at home wearing an electronic tag that went on a strap around her ankle.
Well quite naturally all hell broke loose! Paris' statement was smug and Lee Baca is the kind of Gomer Pyle lookalike to incur the wrath of the media... and his superiors it would seem. The District Attorney's office leapt with claws out while Equal Rights Organisations stepped up to the bat claiming that if Paris had been black or poor or not famous...
Frankly had she been black or poor or not famous she would probably have been able to handle the whole affair with a great deal more dignity!
On Friday L.A. got to have itself a real circus. The news was announced Thursday night that Paris would be driven to the courthouse handcuffed in a police car where a judge would investigate whether her release had been premature and whether the Sheriff should be held in contempt of court.
The press were out in full force that day. Helicopters circled over the Hilton manse all morning while photographers barracaded the gates. Paris' hair and make-up people were smuggled in around 9AM and Paris herself emerged a little after ten and was whipped quickly into an awaiting squad car which was literally attacked by papparazzi as it drove off.
The squadron of media copters followed them to the courthouse where it was ruled the Paris would serve out her full 45 day prison sentence and would no longer be eligible for early release for good behaviour!
Paris was then led from the court house weeping, crying loudly for her mother and throwing in phrases like: "it's not right!"
... Frankly there has not been such an exit in Hollywood since the Wicked Witch of the West took a bucket of water right in the gob! Indeed it would almost have been appropriate for Paris to have started melting on the spot had she been hit with a bucket of water or two.
Paris was then driven back to jail, still crying profusely and with a full wing of press helicopters still in tow.
Since then Ms Hilton's lawyers have drafted an appeal, which Paris now claims she does not intend to file. In a statement released through her lawyer from inside the Maximum Security Twin Towers Detention Centre Paris said she had had time to think about her time and jail and that she hoped to "grow" from the experience.
Reports are beginning to filter out of the big house claiming Paris' medical reason was claustraphobia! Hence her time in the Twin Towers Maximum Security Institution. It was the only place she could be psychologically assessed so that authorities could determine just what prison she was psychologically suited for.
The Equal Rights people had earlier stated that people with AIDS and cancer and severe heart problems manage to suffer it out and that Paris should too. Obviously when they read "medical reasons" they didn't jump to my immediate conclusion that La Paris was a basket case!
Celebrities (kinda) are even beginning to support Paris. Ann Coulter - and if you've heard of her you win a prize! - got on Fox (yeah I know!) and claimed the judge was playing for publicity as in the case of the infamous crying judge who handled the Anna Nicole Smith dead body trial.
Well it's a nice idea.
However, I think I speak for the majority when I say that my opinion still holds. Unless Paris has an inmate who psychologically tortures her, or is gang raped in the showers then frankly there is no excuse why she should not serve out her full time like the rest of us! The fact that she had the money to commission a shrink and a lawyer to work over a Sheriff (can anyone else see a brown bag full of greenbacks changing hands here?) and get out early is in itself a disgrace.
If Paris is indeed badly claustrophobic then that is another story. But then there's plenty of time for us to find out, and the press, God love 'em, are still drooling all over this story like rabid dogs. The fact that almost everyone else considers this open and shut seems to have escaped them.
I say we all go out and by free Paris shirts in protest!
Keep her locked up. Just free her from the press. Let her be weird on her own time.
P.S. Thanks again to Ms Hilton's media-doppleganger PerezHilton.com for use of the pictures. We hear he gets them from TMZ.com!
La Paris' official LA County Prison mugshot... sponsored by Estee Lauder
Paris hit prison on Monday after the MTV movie awards with her dignity actually somewhat intact after a very well orchestrated piece of publicity diverted all atention from said cheesy movie awards ceremony smack onto the blonde soon-to-be-inmate.
Tuesday, reports began to filter out that Paris was calling the outside crying her eyes out because her cell was cold, she had no pillow and only three blankets, one of which she was using as a pillow.
Wednesday, Paris was visited by her lawyer and her shrink. They stayed in her cell with her for two hours - wonder how her cell-mate felt about that? - before departing leaving an ominous taste in everybody's mouth.
Thursday morning just before dawn prison authorities got around the L.A. media by dispatching Paris to an undisclosed location - by the sound of things a psych ward! She turned up at her L.A. mansion later that morning at which point she released a "moving' statement thanking the prison authorities for treating her justly. The L.A. County Sheriff, Lee Baca then held a press-conference where he announced that Paris had been released for "medical reasons" and would serve out the rest of her sentence at home wearing an electronic tag that went on a strap around her ankle.
Paris and her electronic tag to make sure she didn't bust out and go shopping!
Well quite naturally all hell broke loose! Paris' statement was smug and Lee Baca is the kind of Gomer Pyle lookalike to incur the wrath of the media... and his superiors it would seem. The District Attorney's office leapt with claws out while Equal Rights Organisations stepped up to the bat claiming that if Paris had been black or poor or not famous...
Frankly had she been black or poor or not famous she would probably have been able to handle the whole affair with a great deal more dignity!
On Friday L.A. got to have itself a real circus. The news was announced Thursday night that Paris would be driven to the courthouse handcuffed in a police car where a judge would investigate whether her release had been premature and whether the Sheriff should be held in contempt of court.
The press were out in full force that day. Helicopters circled over the Hilton manse all morning while photographers barracaded the gates. Paris' hair and make-up people were smuggled in around 9AM and Paris herself emerged a little after ten and was whipped quickly into an awaiting squad car which was literally attacked by papparazzi as it drove off.
The squadron of media copters followed them to the courthouse where it was ruled the Paris would serve out her full 45 day prison sentence and would no longer be eligible for early release for good behaviour!
Paris was then led from the court house weeping, crying loudly for her mother and throwing in phrases like: "it's not right!"
... Frankly there has not been such an exit in Hollywood since the Wicked Witch of the West took a bucket of water right in the gob! Indeed it would almost have been appropriate for Paris to have started melting on the spot had she been hit with a bucket of water or two.
Paris was then driven back to jail, still crying profusely and with a full wing of press helicopters still in tow.
Paris cried loudly as she left court... don't you just hear the violins playing?
Since then Ms Hilton's lawyers have drafted an appeal, which Paris now claims she does not intend to file. In a statement released through her lawyer from inside the Maximum Security Twin Towers Detention Centre Paris said she had had time to think about her time and jail and that she hoped to "grow" from the experience.
Reports are beginning to filter out of the big house claiming Paris' medical reason was claustraphobia! Hence her time in the Twin Towers Maximum Security Institution. It was the only place she could be psychologically assessed so that authorities could determine just what prison she was psychologically suited for.
The Equal Rights people had earlier stated that people with AIDS and cancer and severe heart problems manage to suffer it out and that Paris should too. Obviously when they read "medical reasons" they didn't jump to my immediate conclusion that La Paris was a basket case!
Celebrities (kinda) are even beginning to support Paris. Ann Coulter - and if you've heard of her you win a prize! - got on Fox (yeah I know!) and claimed the judge was playing for publicity as in the case of the infamous crying judge who handled the Anna Nicole Smith dead body trial.
Well it's a nice idea.
However, I think I speak for the majority when I say that my opinion still holds. Unless Paris has an inmate who psychologically tortures her, or is gang raped in the showers then frankly there is no excuse why she should not serve out her full time like the rest of us! The fact that she had the money to commission a shrink and a lawyer to work over a Sheriff (can anyone else see a brown bag full of greenbacks changing hands here?) and get out early is in itself a disgrace.
Hollywood's three most errant children... spooky isn't it? Kinda like the only shot of the SS Titanic and its sister ship SS Olympic tied up next to each other!
If Paris is indeed badly claustrophobic then that is another story. But then there's plenty of time for us to find out, and the press, God love 'em, are still drooling all over this story like rabid dogs. The fact that almost everyone else considers this open and shut seems to have escaped them.
Available everywhere and in almost any design...
I say we all go out and by free Paris shirts in protest!
Keep her locked up. Just free her from the press. Let her be weird on her own time.
P.S. Thanks again to Ms Hilton's media-doppleganger PerezHilton.com for use of the pictures. We hear he gets them from TMZ.com!
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